this is how i feel its what kept me up on this night

Dear Jeremiah,
youll probably never read this but my throat is burning as well as my eyes to explain myself to you.. It's akaward when you IM me Im going to bed, I love you Kelsey take care, and as soon as I say good night Ilove you too you log off like your computer light on fire... its akaward because thats never happened, you never wanted to leave me so quickly before and maybe its because your mom but still you never call me Kelsey, no one does... my mom calls me nicknames like honey, my dad calls me bitch or Kels, my brother calls me Chelsea and the other one calls me whatever name that reminds him of bitch, cunt, or whore he can come up with... I dont think you'll ever know how close i was to death when we became friends and i felt for the first time in years... I had a shoulder to cry on, and someone to fall back on and Im scared to death that even though you say you dont want to leave me, that you might and then ill go back to before the numbness to the cool claws of depression and torture that had been dragging me down long before I fell for you... I wish that you read this and you think how much it would hurt to lose me, like it hurt when that girl you write all the poems for left you, I know you still love her and probably more than you'll ever love me but I couldnt live without you and if something happened to us idk how i could even cope with that... I hope to god you love me at least somewhat the way I love you and if not just leave now because I'd rather not fall more for you and have the pain be any worse than the pain I feel even thinking about you leaving...

I love you... and it scares me,
Kelsey Jane