pain and sickness

panic attacks racing through you unhinging the bones throughout your spine making you shake without reason. I fall into a pit of dark insane... and it can not be stopped I hate it I feel so much pressure and I explode,, I cry, I cant be touched, touching me is an easy way to get hit I hate being touched unless I touch you first, looking for comfort. I am ignored, things have gotten better but still not good my brothers destroy me, they hit me, and suffocate me, I hated being at the cottage with them, with nothing to do but sit in one room together they hit me and mocked me and hurt me inside and out but sadley they leave no bruises, no marks, no cuts so no one believes me, idk is it abuse? I guess not, no one else thinks it is they hear my screams but they dont care they see me run away crying but again no one cares, they dont look for me as long as I tell them I'mleaving they dont really ever care if I'm ssafe or not. I hate my father, he hates me its even I think if someone said they were going to take me away he'd laugh he thinks everything is a joke. I HATE HIM! My parents act like they hate eachother and all three of us most of the time my dad got mad and through a phone book right down the stairs to where my mom was when he was mad at her but he said that he wasnt aiming, Zach and Andy arefine here and I dont care if this isnt considered abuse but its too much for me I suffer from what I bileve is panic attacks, anxeity and depression. I'm always sickk too but my parents wont take me into the doctors until my physical becasue I have to have one for school anyways.