Party!

Lets go party mi bitches!!! lol im hyper today, I thank Jon for saving my life once again. I talked to a few really gorgeous girls this weekend and two boys who wanted me to "sext" them which is disgusting so yea i was like no!! lol im bored and this chick who tryed making the presentation we had to do in L.Arts on the Vietnam war and so I'm expected to make a damn script about it to go with this crappy powerpoint and she didnt say anything about the domino theory! I mean honestly that's the whole point the united nations was even there! omg she's so dumb!

girlfriends

I really really want a girlfriend!!! I really like one guy and I could not get myself to like a different guy only girls. anyone interested I really want to find.

I can't believe this shit!

I can't believe:

1. Jon is the only person I really care much about
2. I like two girls a lil bit
3. my parents dont pay any attention
4. my school's new dress code

Otay so yea I really like Jon, both ways, he's adorable but also he's like my best friend ever! I like two girls at the moment but neither of them pass up Jon, um well one is striaght so that's not happening, but she is so hot! The other one is bi, just like me, but at the moment I dont really know whats going on in her world but she's awesome!

My parents pay like 0% attention to me, like honestly that wont leave me alone because they just have no idea how I feel or why, well honestly I dont know why I feel so empty and alone 100% of the time but I do. Have you ever woken up and cried because you woke up and you could, just because you wish you were dead that much?! I O.D. on painkillers like everyday or I used to but I'm letting myself feel the pain I'm desevering of at the moment, but I'm so alone and no one understands who I am and nor does anyone care.

My school's V.P. is soo retarded, today she decided girls can't wear anything except brumuda shorts, capris, long (over knee skirts), or jeans even if we wear leggings, everyone is so mad that people are asking me if I'll write up a petition and I might because I hate the stupid school as much as I hate my father.

I'm thinking about emancipation peition when I'm 16 like right after I got my license , just because I want my parent's and adults to stop pretending that im stupid and immature just because I'm not leaglly an adult which I would be then and I could be free of adults pretending they're smarter than me when I'm at least 5% smarter than most of them.

I've somewhat figured this out

The problem with Jon, I've figured that whole deal out now, I've decided he's like my best friend and I'd rather keep him there than date him, if he asked me out I'd say yea but cuz he won't I acutally don't care! I'm happy with him being my best friend for the rest of my life ^^

Obbessive Compulsive and BI polar

the title is it, that's who I am.

I need everything to have an even number or it freaks me out! I need things to match and I need things to look even, like I need music turned to an even number and when there are like 5 snowglobes I need two on either side of one that doesn't match, I got that from my mother.

Bi polar is who I am, I have mixed bi polar disorder, my mood changes really fast and randomly, I automatically know how I feel even before I feel it but I can't control it even when there isn't a reason.

I also have eating and sleeping problems, I eat either way to much or way too little but it evens out so I don't really have too much of a problem there but with sleeping there is a problem, I sleep alot but I don't fall asleep until late and then I wake up every few hours and I'm always tired no matter how much I sleep!

That's just me bitch,
Kelsey J. Holdridge

my dream of heir

My dream was intersting but it was awsome I had it!!! It was about me and jon, it was like erotic or anything that would be weird!!! NO, it was cute from my perspective though. see, it was him trying to teach me how to play guitar at first but that so didn't work so I started pulling away from him then the next part was random but we were in the hallway in the highschool and we were talking about his girlfriend, tori but then he asked me to promise him
i liked him as much as he liked me so I kissed him really fast and started pulling away to blush but he pulled me back and kissed me harder, I really enjoyed that dream, but I don't want to tell him about it because I don't think he'd like it very much, but I don't care because I honestly would do that but normally, he's with tori so I can't and because the play is done now and i won't see him until track it doesn't matter and besides he hasn't been txting me back so I guess I might have to just try to get over him but I really don't want to.

Skipping School!!!

Today I didn't go to school because I really didn't want to, I haven't slept well in many days like always except yesterday night when for the first time in like 3 months I had a dream which the following post will tell you more about. So today I slept most of the day and I didn't really feel good because I haven't and I do have a few health problems but they're no big deal. So today consisted of mostly catching up, catching up on sleep, my health, my homework, cleaning, fitness, and eating so it's all good. I'm very happy that I actually slept and I caught up but still I have more catching up to do, as I always do.

??? llama llama duck???

I'm very bored at the moment but I needed to say I am competely in love with theatre, acting, dancing, and singing, arts and culture are my things! I love it! I love him too but he doesnt really care it would seem.. I dont know what I'll do 2maro, I love some things but I still hate my family. Idk what I'll do with my time for awhile, I'm in track in a few weeks and the cast party is in a few weeks like two I think. I'm going to post some random pictures I took last night Kay? Otay!!!

I can't believe it's really over

Honestly I cannot believe that it's really over, Dear Edwina, THe thing I've spent all my time and energy on for the past two months is really over! I'm going to miss Haili, Jo, Jon, and Tori more than like anyone else!

really in the beginning when Mr. G and Mrs. V said we would become like a family, I didnt believe I would develop any new relationships but in the end they were right, and now I have some friends and love that if anyone of them left me I wouldn't even have to kill myself I would just die. Following/above are some pictures I took today of the last day of Dear Edwina:

My cat eye/wing tip eyeliner, and my spiky & half in ponytail hair

this is like my "grudge look" or just punk, either way I love it! (above)

I love my wing tips (above to right)

Dear Edwina, Junior update

O my gods I can't believe 2maor is honestly the last day of the of Dear Edwina! I'm going to miss all of my "theatre family" so much, I cant beileve how much I love them all!

Ones I will miss most

• Jon G.
• Jo B.
• Haili
• Tori
• Ryan

There are more but these are who I remember at the moment

jhudkhjgderfgkjvcfutyodrisic

Everything I do and what I say I know that it kill me like weve done before, i really dont care and its really not fair that all I do is scream...

I dont care

WELL I'M OKAY NOW JUST A LITTLE UPSET BUT i STILL REALLY LIKE HIM TO LIKE TO POINT I COULD PROBABLY SAY I LOVE HIM... WHICH UPSETS ME... CUZ TORI IS COOL!!!!

loves anywhere but here,
Kelsey Holdridge

from now on until im out of wisconsin i just want to be done with feelings. I hate everyone except Haley and Haili right now or i dont care about them, I really hate emotions again, pain is envitable, which sucks, I'm going to take things in a different way for awhile maybe ill get prepy or maybe ill do what id rather do and just kill myself, I really honestly dont care because even if he makes me hate everything I still honestly think I love him, but this feeling obviously isnt mutual and just makes things harder for me I would kill myself faster without him so for that, "Thank you Jon, for helping me stay alive"

Dear Edwina, Junior

First performance tonight, it's a really happy musical but5 during the entire secoand act I felt llike dying. All and all it went well. Another performance 2maro and Sunday. Joy, I have to almost have an emotional breakdown when I see him, again. What fun?

just like Jordan

Really? god damn it youre way too much like i thought it was with Jordan T in the beginning of the year. I like you more which is a really big thing. noy that you care at all, but yea youre like him. You really expect me to keep liking you? I really like you like almost love, yea that much and ppl dont get that out of me often anymore. see Jordan said he liked me back but then got a girlfriend you on the other hand told me you liked me while you had a girlfriend but of course you like another girl too but you didnt tell me yourself so wow I can't believe I'm falling for you but i am and i cant help it and it sucks. why dont you just like me enough back and when you say it, it's the truth?

To: Jon G.

Hate being controled by you,
Kelsey H.

I have lots and lots of poetry and maybe eventually I'll post it but i dont feel like doing that tonight. I be back and I'll post 2maro after the show about how it goes.

Love you hunni,
Kelsi H.

Funny Brownie

My dad is a fucking retard and its hilarious. Okay so I made browines because I had nothing else to do and my dad was pissing me off calling me a whore like every other day whatever. So after they were done my brother zach wanted to cut them like 20 minutes later but my dad freaked out and took them to hide them because he didnt want them cut until 30 minutes after they were finished. he completely freaked out and it was so funny!

Thank yous

This is a thank you to everyone who kept me alive, and everything that did too.

1. Tokio Hotel
2. Jon
3. animals
4. music
5. poetry
6. clayton.... :(
7. Haili
8. my brother andy
9. photography
10. love<3
11. sharpies
12. "drugs"
13. hugs from certain boys

change

I am so very very bored. I guess I'm doing that camp thing this summer for D.C.Everest drama and I guess that's cool cuz it keeps me out of the house, also this spring I'm doing track just because coaches wanted me to. I hate my family like always and painkillers are still my bestfriends. Jon is amazing just wish he felt the same way but he doesnt so oh well I must get over it.

What's with all these people changing? like I'm offically the only person in my class who still likes slipknot, and honestly, I hate this! Everyone is changing into a "normal" person I hate it I feel all alone but happily Jon promised he wouldnt change so i is happy.